


Heather

by cynicalwish



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Zalex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:40:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29679240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynicalwish/pseuds/cynicalwish
Summary: When the one who hurts you is the only one who could make you feel better, what do you do? Join Alex on his struggle to feel good enough.
Relationships: Zach Dempsey/Alex Standall
Comments: 24
Kudos: 7





	1. Cherry Crush

**Author's Note:**

  * For [abusivedempzee](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=abusivedempzee).



Alex chuckled at Zach's antics as he showed him the famous spoon trick.

"I get it, Dempsey. You can hang spoons from your nose."  
"You talk a lot of smack for someone who can't." Zach seemed playfully defensive, but it was adorable.  
"Well, I can at least land a solo in jazz band for guitar. Guess who only knows how to play piano 'cause his mum made him take lessons?"  
"Hey! I plan to go to college for music I'll have you know."  
"Well I do know actually, question is does your mum?"  
"Touche..." Zach muttered with a chuckle.  
"Checkmate!"  
"But hold up, you bagged the solo? For real? You only re-joined last week that's amazing."  
"I know, I thought I had forgotten it all too, but turns out it's in my soul."

Zach rolled his eyes fondly, smiling wide.

"I'm proud of you. You know what? We're gonna celebrate. I'm ordering us extra."  
"You don't have to do that!" Alex instinctively reached for his wallet but Zach gestured for him to put it away.  
He sighed, relenting. "I'm paying you back though."  
"Totally," Zach said sarcastically. This may as well have been a date, but they were just friends to Alex's dismay. Zach placed the order and returned shortly.

"So, got a date to the Valentine's dance yet?" Zach asked, raising an eyebrow.  
"No," Alex said bluntly. "You know how I am about that stuff."  
"Killjoy, c'mon it'll be fun."  
"Is this your very subtle way of asking me?" Alex teased.  
"Of course not, ew. Do standards not exist in your world?"  
"They do and you don't meet them."  
"Once again, touche!"  
"Stop using that word," Alex said almost in hysterics as he threw a napkin at Zach.  
"What? Touche? Well touche touche touche!"  
"Real mature Zachariah," Alex said as he caught the napkin Zach threw back at him in his hand smirking as he noticed the annoyance on his face.

It was at that moment that the staff member approached with their cupcakes.  
"Here you go, can I get you anything else? Assuming you'd like the couple's discount on these?"  
"Thank you, I'd say we're fine." Zach looked over to Alex, who was stifling a laugh. This woman really thought they were a couple? He didn't know how to respond to her question, but she was already gone.  
"Looks like our obvious chemistry scored us a bargain." God he was such a flirt. It made Alex weak. They both knew they'd be tipping well, but it was funny to them regardless. Little did Zach know that this was not even close to a joke for the blue eyed boy sat across from him with nothing but admiration written all over his face.

"It's getting kinda dark. My parents will be wondering where we've disappeared to. How about we head back to mine and have these there?"  
"Sounds good to me!"  
They left money and some doodles they had done, thinking they were the height of comedy. Once their things were packed, they got up and walked out, ready to spend the remainder of the day together.


	2. Rainfall

It was lucky that Zach had brought an umbrella, After all, the weather was about as desirable as a mangled toe, according to the drama queen that was Alex Standall. Not that Zach didn't love that about him though . They stayed close, attempting to keep somewhat warm. The city was adorned by street lights. The occasional car would whizz pass, but other than that it was quiet enough for them to walk in comfortable silence.

Alex broke the silence first, deciding it would be funny to splash in a puddle to see Zach's reaction. Of course, being the height of maturity Zach decided to follow suit. By the time they had reached the Standall residence, they were pretty soaked and wondered why they even bothered sheltering themselves from the rain in the first place. Alex knocked at the door, catching his breath from laughing.

"Bill, it turns out we have a son. Who'd have thought?" Carolyn joked as she glanced at her watch. "What time do you call this?"  
"I know, we're super early, right?" Alex flashed her a cheeky grin as he took off his coat and hung it to dry.  
"We?" she asked.  
"Yeah, who's we?" Peter said, wiggling his brows.  
"Me," Zach said sheepishly as he walked through the door.  
"Oh, Zach. Nice to see you sweetheart."  
"Wow, love you too mom." She scoffed at Alex's remark.  
"Did you have a good time, boys?" Bill said, finally emerging from the kitchen.  
"Yeah, sorry we're late Mr and Mrs Standall. Won't happen again."  
"Don't even worry, Zach dear. We trust you." Carolyn said.  
"And you don't trust me?" Alex said, feigning hurt.  
"If I hear another peep from you, young man." Carolyn tried to sound serious, but couldn't help laughing.  
"So, Zach," Bill began. "You staying the night?"  
"I don't think that's a good idea," Peter smirked as Alex hit him over the head with a newspaper.  
"I don't think so, sir. My mu--"  
"I spoke with your mum, Zach. She assumed you'd be here."

He breathed a sigh of relief. That was one less thing to worry about.

"I'd hate to be a bother."  
"Don't be silly, you couldn't bother us. Stay if you want." Bill smiled approvingly. He liked Zach as an influence on Alex, he was athletic and well mannered after all.

Zach didn't need to be told twice, so after a bit of small talk he decided to follow Alex upstairs. They were exhausted after all. A movie played in the background as they finished the cupcakes and talked about their plans for the Valentine's dance more, Alex's still being very much a secret.

Text from: Asshole brother.  
You gonna ask him or nah?  
(Sent: 11:46 p.m)

He ignored it, rolling his eyes fondly. Peter was a lot of things, and nosy was all of them.  
Finally, Alex switched out the lights and they attempted to sleep.


	3. Venom

The next morning, Alex got ready before heading down to make them breakfast. Zach trailed down the stairs fifteen minutes later, still somewhat drowsy. He perked up at the sight of Alex, though and smiled slightly.

"Morning idiot, I'm making pancakes."  
"Only you could make that sound aggressive," Zach laughed.  
"Well, you having them or not? Yours are the ones without strawberries, because you're allergic." He didn't even bother to disagree, because for once Zach was right.

Zach was touched that Alex remembered, because even he didn't and he was the one unlucky enough to be allergic to the nicest fruit there is. He happily obliged, digging in. The noises he made indicated he liked them, which made Alex chuckle.

"These are great, 'Lex."  
"Guess you should stay over more often then." Alex cringed at himself. Could he be any more obvious? Thankfully Zach was none the wiser.

He washed the dishes while Zach got their stuff and they left for school.

They arrived, getting stuff from their lockers. Their height difference made that a headache until they swapped lockers. As endearing as it was, the convenience made mornings more bearable.

"See you in the cafeteria after class, Zach."  
"Sure thing, bye Standall."

Class was uneventful as ever. Alex mostly spent it pretending to pay attention in the moments where he wasn't trying to pluck up the courage to ask Zach if he'd be his Valentine. He was the first to be packed and bolting out of the door when class was over.

He took a deep breath in, approaching the cafeteria like they had agreed. This was his best friend. They were so comfortable with each other and nothing was going to come between them. All he had to do was ask him, right? It couldn't be that hard. Then it would be out there, he'd have an answer and if it was a no then he would accept it and go about his life. If it was a yes, he would simply spontaneously combust. Not difficult to grasp.

As he got nearer, clearing his throat so he wouldn't mess up, he heard bits of the conversation and he wished he could disappear.

"So Zach, heard you spent the night with your boyfriend."  
"What the fuck?"  
"Standall. You fucking him or what?"  
"Monty, you have cotton balls for braincells. He's not my boyfriend, I...I don't even like him. I just hang out with him sometimes 'cause I feel bad for him." He hated himself for letting the words fall out. Was he that much of a coward? He was going to do something, but Monty laughed and dropped it. Besides, Alex didn't hear him. He wasn't even in the room, right?


	4. Good Enough

Monty was laughing a little too hard and Zach was beginning to wonder where Alex was. Had something happened?

"He's behind you," Monty stated.  
"Yeah, I am..." Alex said. He wanted to say something wittier. Something that would make Zach realise just how badly that hurt. But for once, he was speechless. He expected to hear cruel shit about himself from certain people, but not the one person he thought he could call a friend.

Zach spun around at the sound of his voice.

"Alex, I--" but he had already made a beeline for the exit. He wasn't going to stay there any longer and make even more of a fool of himself. He was shaking with rage and hurt. He thought he was mad at Zach, but maybe he was mad at himself for having the audacity to think he could be good enough. He wasn't enough for Jess and now Zach. Maybe he was the problem, even though he didn't know what he had done.

He decided to hide out in the bathrooms, not feeling particularly hungry anyway so he didn't mind missing out on lunch. Not that he had an appetite anyway lately. He sat down and tried long and hard, thinking of everything he could have done. He knew he wasn't built like Zach. That he could be whiny and moody, as he was displaying in that exact moment. But he didn't think he was a bad person. Not any worse than the others anyway. Like, sure he had done some bad some bad shit but he at least accepted it. He sighed, hugging his knees.

It was times like this where he missed Hannah more than ever, and wanted nothing more than to get coffee with her and vent. Just like old times. The things he would do to make that possible were countless. He remembered her laugh, her kind eyes and her way with words. Just a minute more to tell her how sorry he was and to hug her one last time was all he wanted. How did he ever fuck up things so badly with the only person who never let him down? He wondered what she'd tell him. Probably to stop being a pathetic loser and to go and deal with it.

Zach walked in, looking for him and called out his name repeatedly. He didn't answer. He dried his eyes, dusted himself off and got up. He flushed and walked out, washing his hands.

"Alex, listen to me."

He was close to saying something cold, but he held his tongue and walked away giving him the cold shoulder. If Zach cared, the broken look on his face would be enough to realise that it was a shit feeling to realise the one person who likes you was ashamed to be associated with you.


	5. Poison Ivy

Zach followed behind him, mumbling incoherent apologies. Alex simply flipped him off and walked faster, rushing to get his things and get to class.

"Trouble in paradise?" Monty chuckled, before Alex shoved him.  
"You wouldn't know, since you're the spawn of satan." He snarled. 

Taking out his anger felt good. Even Monty himself seemed taken aback and Zach was starting to worry. Had he sent Alex spiralling? He supposed what he said had touched a nerve. It was a coward move for sure, but he had picked on Alex's greatest insecurity just to cool for his asshole acquaintance. Did he ever learn?

Alex sat in the library, pretending to focus on the book he hadn't noticed was upside down. He arrived to class late, not bothering to apologise.

Any reason you're late?" The teacher asked.  
I wasn't going to turn up at all. And I'm moving seats by the way," he glared at Zach and sat next to Sheri. She was smart and way more tolerable than most of the people at Liberty.  
The teacher shook her head, but she had a soft spot for Alex and didn't want to disrupt anybody so she let it slide.

"You okay?" She asked, smiling sympathetically.  
"Not really."  
"Well I'm here alright? You can borrow my notes after class if you want you don't seem to be doing too well."  
"You are too nice for this world. How do you do it?" He genuinely wished he could have the patience she did.   
She giggled and shrugged, before returning to her work. The teacher glared at them. When the teacher turned away, she leaned in to whisper something. 

"Party at mine tomorrow night, I know it's not your thing but it might help you to loosen up."  
"Thanks but no thanks," he said.  
"C'mon, Standall. Don't be a spoiled sport. I know you've got some moves in you. Zach will be there." Usually that was enough to tempt him, but not today.   
"Exactly why I don't plan to go," he shrugged.   
"Oh, I see..." She said, thinking to herself that they acted like such a couple. "Just think about it!"  
"Will do," he lied. 

Once the lesson was done, Sheri insisted he take her work to make up for what he missed at the start and during since he had doodled the whole time. As he stuffed his things in his locker, he noticed Zach walk past but this time he didn't notice him. He was busy talking to Chloe. He had his arm around her.  
Alex was seething, but only because he was still mad at Zach, right? Absolutely no part of Alex Standall was agonising over the fact that he was the one hurting about this, when it wasn't his fault. And maybe he was a bad communicator, but was it so wrong of him to be pining for someone who quote on quote "doesn't even like him?" Probably, but it looked like that sure wasn't mutual. It seemed Zach had already replaced him, but did it have to be with her? Just another person he couldn't live up to.


	6. Chameleon

After seeing Zach and Chloe all day, no matter how hard he tried to avoid them, the final bell finally went. Alex practically sprinted for the door, but instead of going home he stopped by the barbers. He fancied a change of hair colour. He was getting bored of being brunette and if Zach apparently liked blondes, then maybe Alex would bleach it again. 

He was aware of how stereotypical it was to change his hair drastically when he was in some sort of crisis, but maybe this would be the attention-grabber he needed. Talk about healthy coping mechanisms, right? Nonetheless, he vented about his troubles to the barber who seemed amused and pitiful. He paid extra when he was finally done and headed home.

"Right on time, honey. Food's in the....oh. You look nice. Blond again?" His mum asked, confused but it wasn't like he hadn't bleached his hair before.  
"Yeah, apparently it's all the rage now." He took a few bites of his dinner, cleaned up and went up to his room. He didn't know why he was being like this. Surely it wasn't that bad, right? Maybe he just was just overreacting. His head was pounding from all the thoughts. He wanted to sleep, but Zach kept texting. 

"20 unread messages from Dempsey."

Alex read them, mostly begging for a reply, but decided maybe he'd answer tomorrow when his mind was a little clearer. He didn't want to say anything he'd regret. He checked his socials, his nightly routine much to the annoyance of his mom. He ended up checking Zach's account, because he missed him even though he would never tell him that. Alex's heart sank as he just saw more goofy pictures of Chloe. 

He figured maybe this was all for the best. If he had asked earlier, he would have just been turned down in favour of the pretty girl. She was gorgeous, and he'd never deny that. He saw why Zach liked her. She was calm and sweet. Funny like Alex, just without the bitterness. Zach was straight and as it turned out, Alex was more like his charity case than his friend, he just had to accept that and move on. That didn't mean it wasn't going to hurt like a bitch to do that though.


	7. Dance Fever

The party was approaching rapidly and Alex was getting sick of twiddling his thumbs in his currently empty house. There wasn't much to do, and maybe stopping by for a bit wouldn't be the worst idea. For Sheri, right? Definitely not to catch a glimpse of Zach. He put it off for another half an hour, anxiety getting the best of him. Who cares about the what-ifs? He had to be spontaneous. He made himself look presentable and hopped in the car.

Sheri's house gave off a regal vibe, a bit like her. It was sophisticated. He was apprehensive about this, but got out and took a deep breath in. He walked over to the door and knocked. Sheri opened, looking like a vision in silver. She welcomed him with a hug and warm smile.

"Do my eyes deceive me, or is this Alex Standall at a party?"  
"I know, I'm disgusted." He chuckled.  
"Don't just stand there! Come on in."  
He obliged and she showed him to the drinks. "You look great, by the way. Love the hair." She ruffled it, which he didn't mind too much.  
"Thanks, you do too. Not that you don't always." She beamed again.

Eventually, Sheri left so Alex took a couple of shots for confidence. He made small talk with Clay, discussing their mutual suffering since neither of them were what one might call party animals. Once Clay went to talk to the Sheriff's daughter Valerie, Alex scanned the room for familiar faces. That was when he noticed a smile he would recognise anywhere. Belonging to the boy who made his breathing go all funny. He looked so good and it pained Alex to admit that, but there he was...dancing with Chloe when it should have been---nevermind. He took another shot and started to wish he never came.

He felt frozen, eyes fixated on the two of them. If he wasn't such a wimp he would do something. Anything other than stand here like a lost puppy. The music was getting too loud and things were starting to feel weird. He couldn't even move an inch. Zach walked over, probably to get drinks for them. He smiled when he saw Alex.

"You came."  
"Observant as ever."  
"Are you okay?" Zach asked, smile replaced with a look of concern. Alex looked paler than usual and he was on edge. Zach knew the signs.  
"When have I ever been? Just...go back to Chloe. Thought I was too embarrassing to be around." He didn't give Zach time to respond as he walked away, needing to throw up. As much as alcohol was like liquid luck, it was also the bane of his existence. Clearly he didn't realise how much he actually had. Zach rushed after him, heart sinking at the state his friend was in.


	8. Born Sick

Alex's head pounded, he was nauseous and the combination of his nerves and alcohol was not cute. Once he had thrown up, he flushed it and washed his face. He sat with his head between his legs, hoping it would get better somehow.

"Alex?" Zach called from outside.  
"Go away."  
"Why would I do that? I'm not leaving, don't be dumb. I've got you some water."  
"I said go away."  
"Not until you drink this. I'm a persistent man."  
"No shit." Zach chuckled at that. Clearly he was okay, because that was his Alex through and through. Alex only refused, because he didn't want to be seen in this state. Eventually, he gave in because in all honesty he could use the help and to talk to Zach again. It was secretly why he came, he just didn't expect it to be this disastrous.

He opened the door, looking at the ground and trying to stay stoic. Zach pulled him into a hug and helped him to another room where Alex finally cuddled into his chest and dried his eyes which were starting to water. Zach offered him the water and mints, which he gladly took.

"Still hate you." But his slight upturned smile said otherwise.  
"Alex I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't mean what I said, I swear."  
"Then why say it? I mean, I guess you weren't wrong, but...am I really such an embarrassment?"  
"If you were, then would I do this?" Zach said and pulled him in to kiss him.  
Alex pushed him away. "But Chloe!"  
Zach laughed at that. "She's a friend. She is literally going out with Scott, I just had to help her through some stuff. I was never ashamed of you okay, I was trying to hide how I felt because I didn't want anyone finding out. It was a dick move, I know...I did it to Hannah but I'm not gonna do it to you too. If you'll have me, then I'd..."  
But this time, it was Alex who kissed him and he was pretty sure he would treasure that moment forever. They smiled giddily, finally putting all their cards out on the table and finally where they were supposed to be. In each other's arms. Zach wrapped an arm around Alex, kissing his forehead.

"You know, I was gonna ask you to be my date to the Valentine's dance. I get it if you don't wanna though."  
"What do you mean?" Zach said. "Of course I do. Not a single person in that room's gonna leave without knowing how proud I am to be around you."


	9. Night is Still Young

It was the day of the dance and Zach was picking up Alex. He had put on his best cologne, wearing a blue suit with a white rose. His hair was done up and he was ready. He arrived at the Standall's, who were taking pictures of a timid looking Alex which Zach couldn't help but think was the cutest thing ever. He got out of the car and his jaw dropped when he got a better look at Alex, his hair looking flawless and the shade of purple he chose complementing Zach's blue. He was ethereal.

"You look amazing. Ready for the dance?"  
Alex nodded in response. "So do you, by the way."  
"Alright boys, who's down for a picture?" Carolyn asked as Bill got in position.  
"Hell yeah," Zach said as he slid his flower behind Alex's ear.  
"You are so cheesy," Alex said holding back a laugh.  
Bill took a picture without warning, capturing the candid moment. They cringed at the flash but they hadn't felt this happy in a long time. A few more photos later and they were finally free to go.

They turned up to the event, noticing the pastels and heart themed decorations. The corny music and it all felt so sappy but they were here for each other so it didn't matter. They waved at their friends, approaching some of them to compliment each other's outfits or how sweet they were as couples.

Alex went to get the punch, noticing Zach proudly beaming as he pointed at Alex while telling everyone how that was his date. It made him feel so loved and he knew he would be blaming his blushing on the heat rather than the idiot he planned to call a boyfriend.

When they finished drinking and all their friends had split to hit the dance floor, Zach asked the fateful question. "So, Alex. How about we show these amateurs how it's done?"  
"We are going to make idiots of ourselves, aren't we?" he groaned. "Sounds fun, let's do it." Zach laughed at the sudden change, grabbing his hand and they danced for a solid hour, lost in the music and in each other.

They took silly pictures in the photo both, wacky glasses and feather boas included. They tried all the candyfloss, deciding it did in fact taste like candyfloss. They danced as a group, barely able to peel their eyes off one another and of course people commented on that.

After a long, hard night of having fun they decided to ditch early to spend time together. They looked back at all the smiling faces, hoping they all had as much of a blast as the duo did. Alex figured Zach really had a way with bringing him out of his shell.


	10. Starry Night

They spent what was left of their night sitting on the Crestmont rooftop. Just soaking up each other's presence. They were perfectly fine not saying much, just staying warm by clinging to one another like their lives depended on it.

"Today was great."  
"It really was, wasn't it?" Zach agreed.  
"Yeah, thank you...for everything."  
"You don't need to thank me. Ever."  
"But I do, you really made it special."  
"I'm glad," he said as he noticed the way the moon lit up Alex's face, making his eyes sparkle slightly. He lifted his chin and pulled him in for a kiss. It was surreal to be able to do that after wanting to for so long.

"Hey, Alex?"  
"Yeah?"  
"What do you think the odds are that Monty has a thing for you?"  
"Ew, Zach!" he laughed, nudging him.  
"No, but seriously. I swear he was so jealous when I told him we went together."

Onlookers would have heard their joyous laughter ricocheting through every street corner, in every nook and cranny. The sheer happiness they felt around one another was indescribable and they couldn't believe they ever even thought to sacrifice it.

When they got down from the roof eventually, they began walking home. They stopped by a pond. Zach dug out a couple of pennies from his wallet.

"Here, make a wish."  
Alex was confused, but went along with it nonetheless.  
"What did you wish for?"  
"Not telling you, I want it to come true after all."  
"Well, I'm willing to take that risk. I did it for the luck, Alex...will you be my boyfriend?"  
Alex was taken aback at the spontaneity of it and how confidently he said it. He was equally thankful that his flushed cheeks were concealed by the dark. "Yeah, but I mean...that was unexpected."  
"In a good way though, right?"  
"Absolutely. You've got guts, I respect it."  
"Working on it!"

They kept walking, kicking rocks and ended up racing each other to the door. They walked in to see three excited faces.

"How did it go?" Carolyn asked, putting down her knitting.  
"Yeah, how was it?"  
"Are you two an item yet?" Peter said.

"It went well, and to answer your question Peter..." he said with playful malice. "Yes, yes we are."  
"Dad, you owe me. Cough up."  
"You assholes have been betting on us?"  
"Yup," he smirked.  
"Language," Carolyn tutted. However, she was busy pulling out the sweaters she had started making. "These are for you two. A little gift to celebrate your first official date."  
"Was anyone going to tell me we were this obvious?" Alex said, looking around bewildered.  
"I love it, thank you Mrs Standall." Zach laughed at his boyfriend.  
"Oh my God, mom.." Alex groaned as she held it against him to make sure it would fit.  
"Thank you Zach, if only my son would see it the same way."  
"So that's where he gets his theatrics from," Peter said and Alex flung a pillow at him.  
"I'm kidding mom, you know I love it." He pulled her in for a hug, and in that moment everything felt like it was gonna be okay.


End file.
